Happiness Isn't a Choice

 

What makes you happy? Within the declaration of independence, it is asserted that we have a self-evident, unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Barring the fact that we all are alienated to life through death and some of us lose our freedom in jail, those of us not incarcerated and who remain among the living should be free to pursue happiness—a core pillar that our country was founded upon. But what is happiness?

We all know what happiness is as a concept, but there is surprisingly little agreement on where it comes from. And this is shocking given how crucial it is to our existence. Most of us go through life without giving it much thought. We have goals, things we want, and things we want to do. By default, we assuming that these are the things that will make us happy. It's such an obvious thing to us that we don't even question it. We strive to obtain what we want and happiness is just a little something we expect to come along for the ride. But it really doesn't work that way.

Happiness is a state of mind. What else could it be? Just because we want things doesn't mean we'll suddenly be happy when we get them. Sure, we're often happy temporarily, but what enables that which we didn't have before? Is happiness truly an ever-changing target of getting what we want? Most of us learned at a very early age that we don't always get what we want and that this shouldn't make us miserable. And yet, we default to assuming that getting what we want will make us happy. We are failing at Maturity 101.

It's not that getting what we wanted made us happy as if the physical event or object is the actual cause of our happiness. It is simply our relationship to that event or object. Happiness is precisely equivalent to gratitude. We are happy we got the promotion. We are happy that we go the car. This is synonymous with experiencing gratitude for these things. This is the one and only means of happiness. The only way to get something and not be happy about it, is to be ungrateful for it.

So what does this mean? We just go around saying thank you about everything? Not exactly. Words are not the goal. One can say thank you while holding no gratitude. We instinctively realize that we cannot just walk around mumbling, "thanks for this house, thanks for this food, thanks for my couch," and expect to be enthralled with joy. If we're not grateful, we're not grateful. If someone gives me a lump of coal, I'm not going to be joyful about it because I won't be grateful for it. Being grateful for that which you are not is about as impossible as forcing oneself to enjoy a food that is unpalatable.

So what can we do to increase happiness? It's not about things, it's not about events, and it is about gratitude which we can't fake, so what's left? Re-tuning. We cannot be grateful for things we do not see or hear, but we can indeed change what we do see and hear. The greatest most important thing we can be grateful for is something most of us don't experience at all: peace, freedom, and love. These are things that can be felt continually all day long if you obtain them. And by stopping to feel them, you can be grateful and so be happy. This is the trick. We cannot simply choose to be happy, but we can seek peace, freedom, and love. And the great thing is, these are not at all hard to obtain. They are free. 

To learn more about obtaining these things or finding happiness, I wrote a book that I offer for free. It shows the way. It all comes down to the fact that Your Mind is Made of Voices.