The greatest part of happiness—or misery—is found in the stories we tell ourselves. Stories we don't even realize we're telling. Stories that have been passed down through culture, upbringing, television, and fear. Stories that run as an operating system but secretly eat us away inside. Let's take a look at these stories from an example in my past.
I purchased some shirts from a company called Breeze. I bought an XL because they said they fit slim. When I received the shirts, they were far too small still. I contacted the company while being struck by the fact that I needed to request XXL. In the good ol' US of A, I wear a Large. They informed me that they'd have to charge me $7.95 per shirt to replace them.
I had a few stories running in the background at this time. One story was regarding the silliness of using these size labels. Another story was in regard to how much larger Americans are than some Asian countries where the shirts were no doubt originating from. I told myself a story regarding how they ought to run their business while in America. I ran a side-story regarding how they might be doing this intentionally to get more money out of us. In the end, I landed on the story that I should have simply checked the size chart given that I knew these other facts regarding sizes and other countries. It was also my error that I didn't know my own size when looking at a size chart which is another story regarding men, size labels, and perhaps the US. Either way, I sucked it up and paid the fee. This wasn't terribly upsetting to me as I owned the error myself.
Fast forward a year, and I purchased another 6 shirts from this company. I selected the same size I did as before since I now knew what size I needed from them. When I received my shirts, however, they were much larger than before. They changed their labeling and provided no warning that they did so. Surely, I told myself, they would own this error—how was I to know that I wouldn't be receiving the exact same size and dimensions once I already know the size that worked for me?
They did not own the mistake and tried to charge me yet again: $47.70 this time. I remained polite and I expected them to eventually understand how they created the conditions for this situation and that I was not to blame. But they never did. They offered 50% off the fee, but that was still an extra $23.85 that "I should not have to pay." Or so the story was told to me in my mind. Where does this story come from? Who made this rule? Why is this my assumption?
The story that I should not have to pay for someone else's error is rooted in a story of fairness. And yet, we all know the world isn't fair. It's not going to be fair. Sometimes we will indeed have to pay for someone else's errors. For some reason, this is hard to swallow. Like a child, our mind throws a little tantrum. Sometimes this tantrum works to our perceived advantage and sometimes it does not, but it always works to our actual disadvantage despite the perception.
If the story I tell myself is simply that of "They're not going to budge and this is the best I'm going to get," and I go no further, the decision is clear: accept the offer and get on with my day. But this is not what happens. We continue to hold the story of fairness. Take them to the BBB, demand a manager, threaten a lawsuit, or threaten to never return. How dare they? And what good does any of this do me? It brings down my mood, my flow, my vibration—whatever word you wish to use. It puts me in a frame of mind of injustice, disappointment, anger, and frustration. Operating from this tone is not great for me. And all for what? For a possibility at $25? To "teach them a lesson"? Do I need to teach them a lesson? Do I really need that $25? We underestimate the power of remaining at a higher tone of being. Retaining our peace is far more valuable than we realize as it permeates through the rest of our activities. This effect is much larger than it appears on the surface. It compounds and reflects in unexpected ways.
Now, I could have still fought the good fight if I knew how to keep my expectations out of it and maintain my peace, but this is rarely feasible unless we're a master at swimming in our mood currents. And even if I could, it would still have taken my time and effort. What truly matters here? Am I going to save the day by inconveniencing one "corrupt" company? Not really. I could take it to the extreme and assume that if everyone did it, it will show these companies what's up, but then I'm telling myself a story that everyone should rise up and punitively punish greedy corporations.
One could run with story of the lone shirt-buyer taking on the greedy company, but this story is based upon yet another—that punishing greedy corporations is valuable. To explain that story would require another article. In fact, it requires a book—or even a few thousand variants of books. But if you'd like to know more, you can start with Your Mind is Made of Voices. Comprehending the voices in our minds and just how impactful these stories can be to the very world we experience is paramount to our own happiness and even in shaping the world around us. The book is free, but the lessons are invaluable.
For more Reflections, go to flow-restoration.com/reflections.html
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