Unmasking Millenials

Millenials get a lot of crap today for being lazy, offended, and requiring participation trophies. Companies have a hard time determining how to fulfill their needs and I might also guess that millenials are often victims of imposter syndrome. Of course, everything is also a labeled ailment of which to take pride, as well.

I'd like to present the positive reasons for all these perceived negatives. Millenials differ from their predecessors mostly in having grown up with the internet--the great equalizer and divider alike. It has opened the eyes of our generation to both the mundaneness of our own lives and the potential for instant stardom. It has also shown us the world for what it is and opened our eyes to the plights of others while simultaneously hiding much of the negative aspects of our friends', family's, and neighbor's lives.

It's easy to see how rough others have it and wish to do something about it. It's easy to see how good we have it yet struggle anyway and not realize that those close to us struggle as well. Knowing we can be an instant success like the 8-year-old on YouTube if only we'd try, it's easy to feel like a greater failure to struggle with #FirstWorldProblems while others are starving and oppressed. The fact is, Millenials are all too motivated.

Companies struggle with Millenials because Millenials want to change the world and companies have offered to proof-read requirements documents or peer-review flow charts. Millenials are offended because they see injustice and want to make a difference. These strong desires mixed with the feelings of failure due to comparing with mystical internet entities have left them feeling worthless and tired--like imposter super heroes. Of course, the silly older generations tried to fix this by giving them participation ribbons and trophies but that was never what Millenials were about. It's insulting and always will be.

Millenials simply care more than the other generations can fathom. If they can learn to see things a little more realistically and visualize a clear path to non-instant success, this world will become Star Trek Utopia in a matter of decades from when they begin to rip the reigns of power out of the stale hands of the old-fashioned. Get your kicks in now, because the world is due for greater and faster change than other generations have previously conceived. Millenials have some growing to do, but those who survive the frustrations and futilities of their struggling egos will go on to change the world.

No Outlet

If anyone were willing to listen, I would not dare risk it by speaking. Anyway, there is no cure in words so words are worthless to speak. To express my need in any fashion would nullify its fulfillment. Unexpressed, it remains unknown and unfulfilled all the same but at least without the sting of fishing and cultural obligation. The need itself is too much to ask--a burden unfair to share. I am a walking curse. And so, I dress with smiles. I pamper with laughter and spritz comedy as perfume. I disguise with insight and hide behind small achievements while I await my farce to crumble. As my joints slowly fail me, I collapse alone. I cannot share. Stories don't produce but provide excuse over bread. We cannot live on sympathy and others cannot thrive whilst mourning my useless shell. To break a little is to fail both miserable and alone, but to break fully gains understanding for the stiff with a shockwave of destruction for the quick. There is no course to win the Kobayashi of such life as mine.

Enjoyment Complex

I seem to struggle deeply with enjoying things. I don't mean from a depression standpoint although that has been an issue as well. What I mean, is that I do things more for the purpose of completion than I do for the actual act of experience. I will play a video game and treat it much like a chore. I need to complete it. Food is something to be finished rather than enjoyed. I will take huge bites and suck down whatever I'm eating as if that itself is the goal. Get it done. Task complete.

Recognizing that I forget so much about a TV show or video game makes me conclude that I should not have even done it in the first place since the achievement was clearly meaningless. That is, of course, because I only care about the achievement and not the experience. I am far too focused on the future that I can't simply enjoy the present for enjoyment's sake. It is a foreign concept to me altogether. The very thought of doing something right now for pleasure without a lasting impact is so crazy to me. What, then, is the point? If the benefit lasts a whopping five minutes and disappears, why spend that five minutes?

Most people do not have this problem, and such people can be extremely confused by this mentality. I, too, find it confusing as I am battling two frames of mind. The one logically analyzes that it is worthless if it does not somehow bring about anything lasting. Of course, I can similarly conclude via logic that everything, in the end, is worthless. And so, the only thing worth anything is the enjoyment here and now. Unfortunately, that conclusion does not suddenly make it easy to implement. If there is no point, what is the point? Every one else on the planet has no such burden of requiring a purpose to simply enjoy things. Such a crazy thought!

Given this revelation, I have been trying harder to simply enjoy things. I recognized that there are still some things I enjoy, but I only seem to allow the briefest of satisfactions. Focusing more highly on these smaller things, however, is helping me be more open to greater enjoyment. Instead of just a quick, "Ah, nice warm shower," I will try to actually meditate on how amazing it feels. Every drop of water, the contrast of warmth with surrounding coolness, the smells of the soap, and so on. All these things are just for me and have no purpose outside making me happier via reflection. Being okay with that helps me slowly translate my thoughts to perceive the rest of the world along those lines.

It truly is okay to enjoy what I am eating, to relax in the sun, to play a game because it's fun to play, or write a blog just to write it down without thought for others. I am slowly starting to realize that it doesn't really matter if everything I do is for the benefit of some greater cosmic purpose. I can see a Facebook post and not feel like I have to respond to it as a duty to them or the world. Still, it seems a bit selfish in the end given that so many people in the world are suffering while I suck down a margarita, rock in a hammock in my lush back yard, watch the trees blow and listen to birds singing. Yet at the same time, I clearly cannot be responsible for the world and all the suffering therein. To me, that just begs the question: How much caring is enough?

To ignore the plights of others entirely seems dreadfully evil, but to give up on life for the sake of an impossible task seems just as terrible. How does one come up with a middle ground for this? I dare say most people are fine with simply living for themselves without concern for the plights of others. Is that all we should expect and require out of people so long as they're not personally hurting others in the process? Or should there be some expectation of some amount that we proactively help rather than simply ensuring we are not part of the cause? And what of this "should" anyway? Who is determining what we "should" do? Society? An unknown deity? Simulation watchers? Me? 

I guess I still have a lingering concern that I might be judged by someone or something once my life is said and done. I have no concern that I might be eternally tormented since I can't fathom any creature (besides a human) assuming that eternal pain is a just response to finite sins which, themselves, being due entirely to our DNA and upbringing. Still, maybe there is a chance for something greater? A heaven of sorts? A better simulation? Android bodies and eternal life in the "real" world? Who knows. And if there is, by what means would we be judged? Would our enjoyment of life be a factor as much as the amount of good we put into the world? Maybe we would be judged by our work ethic, ingenuity, or our blind following of authority?

Without knowing how we would be judged, it seems that we should simply be our best selves whatever that turns out to be. We shouldn't concern ourselves with the judgement. Either our genetic and experiential makeup is good, or it is not. We can't fake ourselves into heaven by following the letter of a law. That's been proven time and again. So really, I just need to figure out who I am and let them decide if that's good or bad if such a "them" exists. Surely they don't want someone who is psychotically trying to appease unknown entities and can't manage to enjoy his life. I should find my own balance and decide for myself what I think is enough. Of course, I'm probably the worst judge of all when looking at my own life. I somehow need to change my criteria. And first on the list, is that a "good" person knows how to enjoy life as they live it. I really need to learn that skill!

The Suffering of Fools -- Accepting Me for Me

 

For some reason, I desire quite strongly to be understood, recognized, valued, and maybe even cherished. It's almost like I'm human or something. And yet, these things seem to forever elude me. At work, I can feel recognized and valued at least for my achievements, but not necessarily for who I am. I want people to recognize my inherent ability and aptitude--to trust my perception and ideas. And yet, I feel it is always a struggle. Providing a solution is often met with hostility rather than applause. It somehow steps on someone's feet rather than providing a much-needed relief to some ailment. I can maybe comprehend a sadness in wishing to be the one who provided the solution, but certainly not making enemies of the one who succeeded. This form of rejection often leaves me frustrated, alone, and depressed. It seems helping quite often makes people like me less. How can I be valued if I do not help? But if helping yields rejection, I feel forever at a loss.

One logical conclusion for the conundrum is to play by the rules of others. If providing solutions yields rejection, then I could simply get in line, solve nothing, and do what I'm told. For this, people would be less offended, but would I be valued? Perhaps to some extent, but it is not me they'd value. I am not one to fall in line, but rather to see, analyze, and resolve. Unfortunately, I struggle so strongly to get others to see what I see. I appear to be at the mercy of others and, quite often, foolish requirements, processes, and minds. I do not say this lightly as it makes me feel arrogant and I know others will quite readily agree, but I feel as if my daily life is overwhelmed with my suffering of fools.

I hate saying it and I hate thinking it, for I am not one to be boastful, proud, or arrogant, and I fully comprehend that I might simply be thinking too simply. I certainly have been wrong about a great deal of things. I do not have all the same expertise as others and there is no way I can know all things. How arrogant and proud to think I know better. It's been a reigning retort since I tried to overthrow the core doctrines of Christianity. I still think I am right, of course, but I must continue to suffer the opinions, spears, and arrows of the fools who disagree. Am I truly the fool? I would be mathematically inclined to believe I am. The one against the world. I must merely be an arrogant fool myself. The world cannot be so wrong and me so high and mighty to have all the answers. I must indeed be the fool.

Knowing that I must be the fool fills me with fear and rage. I cannot help but be who I am and I spend so much of my time trying to comprehend what is good and right that I fear it is impossible to learn and cease my foolish ways. I so strongly long to disassociate myself from the fool that I spend many waking and attempted sleeping hours attempting to derive truth. I seek it like an addict and yet I continue in my ways. So either I am mostly right in a world of fools or I am forever destined to be the fool myself. Neither outcome is enjoyable for me. I cannot absolve myself nor can I absolve the world. I am what I am, I think what I think, and it yields what it yields. Many people seem to be fine with this. I suppose they accept themselves and that some people simply won't like that. I feel it is worse for me, however, as I feel quite alone with no kindred spirit to find solace while all the world around me finds friendship and belonging. Alone in a crowd is the worst kind of alone. Far better would it be to be alone when people are not present--their presence would prove rejection while their absence is mere circumstance. I could survive the latter, but I oh so hate being hated. 

Where are those who think like me? Where are those who see like me? Where are those who can enjoy my musings, my insights, my quirks, desires, and goals? Why must I be a shadow--ignored and trampled upon the ground? Surely I cannot be completely alone? Where is the bubble that I might call home? Where are those who get me, understand me, and actually like me? Alas, even I rarely understand myself. I am caught betwixt believing myself a genius or a fool--a sinner or a saint. I am never good enough even for myself. Perhaps if I learned to accept who I am and embrace it, I might very well be able to find such a home. For if I do not know myself, how would I ever even know if someone else did? Maybe I ought resign myself to the opinions of others? Or at least my perceived opinions of others. Perhaps my perception there is my greatest of failings and the rejection I feel is only that of myself.